Choices Choices

Choice is funny thing. Not that it always makes me laugh, but more like it's hard to pin down. But, I think there are three parts to the art of choosing.

The first part, is that there is a choice to be made. We need to create the choice in the first place. What? Ok, imagine being in a restaurant with a menu in front of you. What choice do you have? Well you could have a starter of soup and a main of fish. Aha you say! The menu dictates your choices. Well, not really. You could get up and kiss the waitress and walk out of the restaurant. You could ignore the waitress and sit in silence. You could sit at someone else's table. You could have chosen not to go to the restaurant at all. You create the things to choose.

The second part is making the choice. In fact this is very simple. In that particular instant, you choose to do one thing over another. Have another beer instead of go home. Sleep another five minutes instead of getting up. Tell your girlfriend you love her instead of being angry at her. The act of making a choice is very very simple and we all do it constantly, without even thinking most of the time.

The third part is the hardest and that's carrying out the choice. The consequences of some choices are very simple: eating soup. Others can be complex in the extreme: bringing up a child. Surely that's what gives a choice its substance? Well, not really. At the point at which we've chosen to do something, the consequences of the choice are still inside our heads. None of it has actually happened yet. And even after we've started getting embroiled in the consequences, we still have the choice to stop and do something else.

So what stops us from choosing the things we want to do in our lives? A great many things. First is physicality. I can't go swimming right now if there is no pool near me. I can't lift 200 kg, as I don't have the strength. Second is social conditioning. I don't kiss waitresses and I don't walk in the street naked. But unlike physicality, there is absolutely nothing to stop me doing this (other than the physicality of other people). Third is direct past experience or learning. I know that it hurts to break my arm, so I try and avoid it. Other people have reported that it's nasty to be run over by a car, so I choose not to do it.

How then is someone to make a good choice and avoid stress? The following things will help:

1. Let your choices be directed by a goal or aspirations.
2. If you don't like the choices available, make more suitable ones up.
3. Don't be held back by the potential consequences of a choice: it hasn't happened yet.
4. Put yourself into the place or circumstance which allows you to make the choices you want.
5. Sometimes it's better to choose - even if you think it's random - than to choose not to choose.